never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
