forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
