i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
