i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
