i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
