so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
