Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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