we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize