his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I need to align my fucking chakras
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
