i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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