Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
