his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.