I'm retarded. Again.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
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the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
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i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I can feel your judgement through the phone