remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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