My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
