On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
