I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
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I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
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I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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