I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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