if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
