it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
