I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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