She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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