I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
