You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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