i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
