Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
