I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
