I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
