Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Randomize
