i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I need water and some morals
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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