you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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