My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
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Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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