During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
