"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
