You're a womanizer and a bitch.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
