they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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