Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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