you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
