my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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