I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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