i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
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