I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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