It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
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That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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