He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
