pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
babies were throwing up all over the place
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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