I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
that's an acceptable place to lick
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
