I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
