I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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