also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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