____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Help me help you realize you are a moron
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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