I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
