OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
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through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
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He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?