Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.