My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
as a side note pls kill me