i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
