He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
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I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
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My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
you had me at cake vodka
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.