i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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