girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
