Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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