About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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