9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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