home. puking in laundry basket.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
When are your genitals available?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
