This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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