You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Randomize
