I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
