You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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