Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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