you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
