She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
