I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
