i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
