i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
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Are my feet made of real feet?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
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Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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